Man + Woman = ???

I want to talk briefly about the relationships between men and women and how sex screws everything up.

This might just be a "me" thing. I don't know. You'll have to judge for yourself if this is how you are hard-wired or not. I welcome feedback in the comments section about this one. (well, about any post, but perhaps this one in particular.)

I feel like I am hard-wired to judge women, as soon as I meet them on whether I am going to have sex with them or not. Or would be willing to, rather. And these ladies are put in one category or another and there's not a whole lot of shuffling between them, once they're put into these categories. It's like I meet a girl and think "Hmm, could I become sexually aroused by this person? No? Well then, put them in the 'Just Friends'category." or I think "Wow. She's superhot. I think I will file her away into the 'Someday I Would Like To Have Sex With Her" category."

These two lists don't ACTUALLY exist in paper or electronic form anywhere. This is just how I think about them. In my own private thoughts.

If someone is on the "Just Friends" list, I will hang out with them and spend time with them. We will joke around and visit socially and could potentiall become very good friends. But if she makes a pass at me, I turn into Reverend Nevermore and shut that shit down, toot sweet. No sexing up the "Just Friends" girls.

If they're in the "Other" category, I do similar things. I hang out with them and have friendly chats with them. We joke around and perhaps the changes are subtle ones. I'm more likely to pat them on the shoulder when I see them or accept a hug from them. Maybe I flirt with them, throwing off the wittiest double entendre that I can think up. Or I catch myself watching them move through the room, or onstage and watch them with unhidden interest. I also do the stupidest favors for them.

Need help moving that Pac man machine? No problem. What time?
Need someone to meet you in the middle of winter downtown for a charity event? I can do that! When is it?
Borrowing $100 for a new purse? Here you go! Pay me back whenever you think of it.

I swear, I've found myself standing in the most empty, god-forsaken places in Chicago, in the early hours of the morning, waiting on some girl in the "Other" list to pay some attention to me. Or following her to the 4 AM bar, thinking, "maybe tonight, something will happen between us." It's ridiculous the things I put myself through, if there's a hint that some girl in the "Other" list is going to give me the love. (Add 2 hours to the service time that I will give them, if she's actually flirted with me or hinted that sex is forthcoming. Add an extra hour to that, if she used the word "blowjob" in front of me.)

And this division of women is based purely on physical appearance. At least it is initially. I've spent time around women on the "Other" list and been convinced to move them to the "Friends" list, after listening to them talk for a few hours.
About themselves.
Or my friends that they've boned. (That's a little callback there, for long time readers. Kudos for continuity.)

A woman's relationship status is also incidental to the list. I don't care if she's married, in a relationship, gay or living in another country entirely. My interest in them totally disregards these conditions. My feelings of attraction for these women is a deep, driving force, regardless of their interest in me. Crushes, I guess you would call them.

Listen, if you're a girl and a friend of mine and you are reading this, you are on one of those lists. We've just never discussed it. Please don't be offended. I don't know why I do this, either.
I don't neccesarily like it. In fact, I specifically do not like it.

I feel like there are experiences that I am missing with these girls. That I am limiting my ability to interract with them on basic human levels. That I am thinking of these women as either "potential sex partners" or "nothing but friends, ever". And both seem sort of limiting.

Can I have a super-sexy girl who is just a friend, that I'm not checking out every time she bends over to pick something up?
Can I be missing a deeper, more long lasting friendship with some girl who is relegated to the "Just Friends" list?

Also, succesful relationships are so much more than sexual compatability. Leaving that aside, there's also Care and Love and Respect. Patience. Trust. The Sharing of Lives. The Intermingling of Families. Planning for the Future Together. Plotting the Course of the Small Family Unit. Co-habitation. Dealing with Conflict. Sleeping Arrangements. Mutual Respect for Spiritual Matters. Tivo Custody Battles. Etc. Etc. Etc. So many important things that determine the longevity of a relationship and they're all a million miles away from how her ass looks in a pair of tight jeans. Or how low cut her shirt is. And yet, these are the things that I am using to determine if she even has a chance with me.

It just doesn't feel like the smartest criteria to handle these sorts of things.

I'm 31 years old now.

I should know better by now.

This seems like how I've operated since I saw my first bare breast or had my first make out session. This rigid classification. This implied interest on the first meeting ("Hello, my name is Mr. B. Would you like to have some sex with me?") It's always been the status quo. Perhaps it's time for a change. Perhaps catching this pattern and figuring it out, is the first step towards getting it a little more under control.

Do you do this too?
Do you have these same two lists? (Or lists similar to this?)
And are yours as rigid and as flexible as mine are?
And do you worry that nobody else does this?

Lustfully Yours,
Mr. B.